Australians Say The Darndest Things

It's common knowledge that they speak English here in Australia but the extent to which they have modified it for their own devious ends is not. Here I present to you a survival guide for negotiating the conversational minefield of Aussie slang as well as some everyday terms and background info which could confuse the average Paddy:

Ride = Root (when used in the sexual sense)

Gaff = Place or house (simple enough but it gets better)

To go somewhere = "Rock up"

Pepper (vegetable) = Capsicum (This is an important one if you eat at Subway regularly)

Flip flops or sandals = Thongs (I'm as confused as you are here)

Thongs (underwear) = G-Banger (This is honestly not a joke)

Rugby league = Footy or football (Wait theres more!)

Aussie Rules = AFL or footy (see?)

Football = soccer but also well known as football (We go deeper into the rabbit hole)

Op-shop = Charity shop

Sleazy = Skeezy (Whats wrong with L?)

Ocker = Closest Irish term I can come up with is Bogger or Culchie except Ocker is used as an adjective.

Bogan = Untranslatable really. Equivalent to American "Redneck" whereby a "Bogan" wears 80's rock t-shirts (stained or dirty normally), sports a mullet or rat tail haircut, has living room furniture outside their house and usually walks around barefoot. Yes, people like that DO still exist in developed countries.

Ute = Pickup truck, short for "Utility vehicle"....I think.

Ford = "The Best Fackin' Cahs eva' made ya cunt!" A heated rivalry exists between Ford and Holden owners to such an extent that some people only ever buy one brand or the other for their entire lives. No, seriously.

Holden = An Australian car company. Look suspisciously like Opels and Vauxhalls. One model even looks like an Astra and is called....Astra! Case solved.

Cane Toads = The most horrificly disgusting animals ever. Considered pests and you are actively encouraged to run the bastards over.

Ranger (pronounced like "Hanger") = A ginger person. Comes from Orang-utan. Geddit?

Macca's = Mc Donalds. A lot of words here are shortened to just the first syllable followed by "-y", "-o" or "-a" e.g. Smoke break is a "Smoko", Registration for your car is "Rego", Tradesmen are "Tradies" and so on. That kills a fucktonne of birds with one stone.

Hungry Jacks = Burger King. I'm not exactly sure why this is. Some copyright stuff or something.

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The Aussies could probably get some kicks out of this too now that I look at it. This turned into more of a full blown cultural guide about a quarter of the way in but to hell with that noise. That's what Lonely Planet guides are for. Even if they do say that the Irish people have "low self-esteem". Arseholes.

But for now I'm done. I'm sure there's lots more but I am very tired and I haven't been to bed before midnight for about 3 weeks now. Tonight is no different so if I can get to sleep before 3.30am I can call it a moral victory. I might do a follow up on this one in the near future as I'm shit at writing long diatribes and a list of definitions is much easier to do.

They always say go out with a laugh so here's a funny picture.

Irishman In Australia Marvels At Tall Buildings

Yes that's right the buildings are really tall here and for my first ten minutes in downtown Sydney all I could do was crane my neck and marvel at how us little insects could build such incredible God-legs. Enough of that though.

So the great Celtic Tigers ceaseless roar has been reduced to a sad mewing noise. That's all I will say about the economic crisis in this blog. Ever. I'm sick of hearing about it. Seriously. I'm living here in Australia in blissful ignorance because of it. Now on to the trivial stuff. The kind of stuff I really like.

Many confusing things have happened in my fourteen months or so in this country. I have seen a thermometer at thirty-two Celsius on Christmas Day (a "cold" day for that time of year), clean streets with not a bin in sight, not getting more money for working on Sunday, supermarkets that don't sell booze and Coldplay.

I'm going to cut this post short because I just saw the video for the Pussycat Dolls latest song and their bastardisation of a great song from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. I am now angered that society can't accept something original and different without "westernising" it.

Now this.

Food For Thought: If Stormtroopers can't shoot straight, how did the Empire manage to subjugate an entire galaxy?

"So I should aim AT the camera you say? It's all so obvious now!"
Gencon, Brisbane, August 08