The Irish and the Aussies: Are We So Different?

I got to thinking the other day. No, I didn't hurt myself in the act. I pondered the key differences between us Paddys and our Antipodean brethren and found we share many similarities. While we differ wildly in other respects I believe those differences actually prove my point. In short Aussies are the Irish plus sunny weather. The following headings illustrate my theory nicely.

Alcohol

Australians love their drinking. Some people reckon they love it just as much as the Irish. This is both true and false. To us drinking and celebrating are the same thing. Be it a christening, a wedding or a Tuesday. One does not abstain from alcohol unless they are pregnant or on prescription medication that will make them literally explode should it be consumed with alcohol. The Aussies too love to celebrate with a drink and there is problem drinkers here too (like any country in the world) but the occasion is a celebration first and a piss-up second.

However there's a flipside to this. When Aussies go out to get drunk...hooo boy. Us Irish have deftly woven drunkeness into the fabric of society whereas for the Aussies there is a big distinction between having a drink and being drunk. That and we can handle our booze better than them. Haw!

Sports

When there is a huge sporting event on in Ireland, let's say the All-Ireland final in Croke Park, Dublin and whatever counties are playing literally come to a standstill. The streets and pubs are choked with fans for hours both before and after the game with the festivities continuing long into the night and frequently the next day. Cut to about 6 months later and it's rinse and repeat for our home games in the Six Nations.

The Aussie have so many professional sports teams and leagues that it gets very confusing for an outsider to keep track. Many find the idea of Gaelic games (gaelic football, camogie and hurling) players being unpaid and playing only on Saturdays and Sundays unthinkable. People get paid to play Netball here. Need I say anymore? Despite all this commercialism they have a fierce pride in their sporting endeavours that mirrors ours.

Recreation

This is one of those differences that is really a hidden similarity. It's no secret that in Australia they love being outside on a nice day. Barbeque grills are a must-have in many homes. The Irish on a typically Irish day will retreat into the warm, comfortable confines of the local pub or the living room (with drink). However, add warm weather and us pasty Celts bound into the distance wildly shedding clothes as if involved in some sick parody of a pagan sun dance. I have walked down the street in the Irish summer months spying at least five or six middle aged men wearing nothing but unflattering swimming trunks.

At least we have the common decency to at least try and get rid of the everpresent "T-Shirt Tan". I bet that if Ireland were continuously hot for at least six months almost all vandalism of public facilities would vanish. Primarily because we would actually be using them. With hot weather on our side we would morph into something similar to the Aussies. Drinking outdoors and eating unhealthy grilled food like the best of 'em!

Money

Everyone loves to get things cheap but nobody more than the Aussies and the Irish. This is where we truly overlap. Our wallets. From Cheap Arse Tuesdays to Garage Sales galore, Oz can't be beat when it comes to being a nation of tight bastards. Nobody in Australia has any illusions about what they can and can't afford. Apart from the major urban areas perhaps many live within their means. They relish the chance to find a bargain and it is perfectly socially acceptable (within reason) to take furniture left on the side of the road for the periodical city council pickup.

There is a subtle difference in our two cultures bargain-hunting however. While the Australian way is mischievous and charming, the Irish are just plain tight. There is no clever way to say it, we are tight bastards at the best of times. A packet of biscuits goes up by 5 cent and the consumer watchdogs are coming out of the woodwork. This was bizarrely offset by the recent economic success in Ireland which put money in the pockets of these penny pinchers. Yet they still think the biscuits are too much. What vindication the Economic Implosion* must be!


Well that's my theory in all its meandering glory. I hope I made sense. Yeah, I made sense.

* Implosion is a far more exciting word than 'downturn'. You know I'm right!